Speaking in my professional opinion as someone who is practically a world champion at not having sex, one of the things you have to learn to accept is that your partner will sometimes not have sex with other people. I know when you are just starting out in a relationship the fact that you don’t have sex with each…

Well, I’m not sure what your species is called (I mostly just call it the species of your not neglected brother), but you guys look as weird and ugly as hippopotami. So I say why not try and make this relationship with her work. Just be sure not to accidentally let her sit on you; you guys are so tiny, you’d be…

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that you wish you could block!

You’re having sex. That alone means you’re doing it right! You sre using the condoms for sex, right?

You needed to get the Magnum P.I. condoms. Those not only feature Tom Selleck’s likeness, but also his mustache. Not the likeness of his mustache, but his actual mustache. She’ll be so excited that she’ll dump you for the condom! Quigley Down Under is a good brand, as long you don’t mind the possibility of getting…

Bragging the about the size of their dick is generally a good sign that a person is compensating for something.

I can’t blame you. It must Feel Good to experience an Ego Death and join the Hive Mind where you can see Purple Naked Ladies.

I’m guessing the reason is a little bit of both.

Even if it does impress the cute girl at the drugstore, if you actually manage to get anywhere with her you are only setting her up for disappointment. That’s why Savage Nobody tried buying tiny condoms that one time. So he could surprise her with the fact that they’re too small. That’s definitely the reason he bought…

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that has dropped the magnum condom he bought for his definitely-not-monster dong!

Thanks for the well wishes. It’s always nice to read the words of a true supporter!

Hell yeah! If fucking won’t bring us closer together (and it probably won’t) then nothing can! But you’ll have an interesting story to tell at future Darth Fabulous fourways, so it’s a win-win!

No need to worry about that PB&J. Whatever he’s in next will probably be cheesy, as in grilled, and that’s what Savage Nobody prefers.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that will be handing Donald Trump his eviction notice and doing White House keggers with Diamond Joe in two months!

It wasn’t a gay encounter unless he got off on it. Now, you have to break into his home, and look into his computer’s search history in order to see if he has ever googled high five porn. If he catches you in the act you should be honest and tell him your just there to check his search history so that you can whether…

If feels like only yesterday that Savage Nobody was giving his first pieces of advice on how to deal with sex ghosts (sheds a tear).

At this point, none of us can do anything about the election result so we all just have to hope at this point.. I suggest that you try and focus on something that will help you to relax. I won’t prevent that will be able to completely take your mind off it, but it will at least prevent the stress from becoming…

This is pretty much the most eloquent summation of the election possible.

That corpse could be a zombie who’ll tell you no AND eat your brain. Even worse, it could be a Trump voting zombie! I recommend that you go for the 23 year old. If you’re worried about the age difference, you can probably pass yourself off as a hip, young 83 year old.

Tell her what you just told us. Make it clear for her that you want this to be fun and stress free for the both of you. You’ve said it yourself that this isn’t a dealbreaker, which should remove the pressure for her to do anything she doesn’t want to. If she’s as accepting as you say, I don’t think she’ll be terribly…