It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that’s anxiously awaiting the election result... Feel free to treat this week’s column as an election open thread.

Well, since these people clearly have nothing to do with yourself, I recommend you help Mrs. Y cheat on her husband (who sounds like a complete loser) with her bowling instructor.

I recommend that you replace his patriarchal gaze with another kind of gaze. Preferably the wide-eyed I-Can’t-Believe-What-You’re-Doing gaze that will occur if you do something truly ridiculous during his Zoom meeting.

Savage Nobody doesn’t live in California, so he can’t vote on it. Those damn Californians get to have all the fun Proposition names.

They now allow open gaze in the military (which is very useful when you need to spot flamboyant insurgents), but it is possible that Trump will attempt to roll back at least some of those protections. This is ironic, because Trump not only embodies “patriarchal” gaze, his vice-President almost certainly embodies patria…

Savage Nobody recommends that you pluck it out and chuck it down a well. If that won’t solve your problem, it will at least let you see the solution to your problem. Or the bottom of a well.

Turn yourself into a living ballot box! It might be difficult to get all of those ballots inside, but enough fiber in your diet should do the trick.

Savage Nobody recommends you eat a BLT while watching TMZ or a DVD.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that has filled out and mailed its ballot!

I think it just makes him America’s favorite colonel. He’s certainly Savage Nobody’s favorite Colonel. In fact, he and Savage Nobody go way back. He and I were a working on the railroad* back during the Great Depression.

Normally I’d say it was wrong, but given Trump’s previous successes, I’m starting to think America might be a masochist who gets off on the thought of a boot pressing on its face forever.

I, personally, am a big fan of the Gay Army Against Clowns series. I recommend the second installment; it really expanded on the first one, but doesn’t feel like it’s trying to do too many different things like the third.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that’s running fashionably late today! Because he forgot it was Wednesday! For a very important reason! Because he was too busy playing videogames to even spend 5 seconds glancing at the date! But anyway, he’s here now and he promises to make it up to all of you, with…

Some random thoughts not so much about the film as about the Titanic itself:

This comment was brilliant.

Whatever website you want to use is fine. As long as your not long dong is traveling through the information highway causing crashes on computers with too many porn tabs open, you are doing The Lord’s work. And by “The Lord,” I mean Savage Nobody.

Indeed. And that’s just the letter writer’s husband. You’ll have to get into the thousands in order to compete with Savage Nobody and Mike Pence.

Savage Nobody isn’t Death, but is probably responsible for more loss of life, so consider him qualified to answer this question. In his 1st grade class play about the founding of America, Savage Nobody played Squanto and taught the pilgrims (and the audience) about how to bury a fish with your corn in order to help it…

I KNEW you were pretending to be a commenter here, Death!

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that even Death* can’t stop from answering your questions!