She does say she’s 31.

McDonald’s, but only if we include Ronald.

As long as they just remain fantasies jerk to your wiener’s heart’s content.

Savage Nobody may be incredibly depraved, but even he doesn’t think racists are worth any level of hotness.

Everything can be added to sexy time! 

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that tries to get you to masturbate your way out of your jealousy problems so you try and ignore it until it dies. I am not wise but definitely confused, hit me with your sexy questions!

The Apprentice theme song. Reminds me of the incredibly stable genius in the White House and how he’s going to get us through this pandemic with only a few hundred thousand deaths. U.S.A! U.S.A!

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column which is the dirty secret of all it’s readers and commenters!

It can be two things!

Macy’s seems like the bigger store, so I would choose that. More square feet for Savage Nobody to do unspeakable things to.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that will lead to you leading a double life to escape the mistakes it’s encouraged you to make!

Savage Nobody is not used to answering actual questions, but he will do what he can to help you. In full disclosure, I should be upfront in stating that I am unmarried and don’t have kids so it might be best to take everything I say with a heaping grain of salt.

You just want to play with ‘puff’s “microphone.”

We can’t let people who are different from us enter this country! If we do, the coronavirus somehow wins!

He’s not trying to be a fetish, he’s just drawn that way.

You mean you aren’t already? If Savage Nobody was in your situation he would’ve already invited both of them to partake in some naked Pokemoning.

I actually remember that Pokemon fetish letter, the best part of it was that it seemed like the kid wanted his dad to know his fetish.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that tries to present itself as crazy and endearing (and potentially really fun) quirks, but is actually a tragedy!

Chop her in half and look inside!

Well, the president claims this is because hospitals are hoarding them, and, as I can’t see any reason why Donald Trump would ever lie, I recommend you just break in and steal some, Robin Hood style.