Carioca did it! I swear! Ignore this box of matches and lighter fluid!

A new year, a new decade, a new edition of Savage Nobody! The advice column that never sleeps, that says that he will never die...

Did you say something? I was pretty busy thinking about myself.

1. I’d recommend starting a fire to teach that intruder a lesson.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The only advice column able to answer your Krazy Kristmas questions! Or should I say Nobodymas?

So it’s a normal Wednesday for ScottyEnn? They’ll get bored of hunting you eventually. Just make sure, whatever happens, to not let them probe you...

I would just tell her that, “If you ever, get close to a human behavior be ready, be ready to get confused. And hungry. Mostly hungry. After all, what problem can’t be solved by tacos?”

I sure this review will be received reasonably and people, regardless of whether or not they agree with it, will debate politely. It’s a good thing Star Wars has never caused people to behave in a disagreeable fashion.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column where bleeding dicks are the least of your problems!

Joke’s on you Mike. My time wasn’t particulary valuable to begin with.

Yes, here is your Godzilla costume. Have it surgically attached your skin.

You’re just jealous you don’t have a group of kink monsters to do your bidding. Besides, once those property values drop below zero, they’ll be higher than infinity. That’s how math works, right?

It can be two things!

Here at Savage Nobody, we kind of just assume that’s true of all our readers. 

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column that DOES create kink monsters!

Must be one of Splinter’s brats. I keep telling him he should have been stricter but his response is always, “If they want to think they’re anthropomorphic teenage mutant ninjas, they’re not harming anyone.”

Damn right! I say fuck them both and invite the psycho stranger to join. That should provide an opportunity for you to escape.

I would describe it as the best pickup line I’ve ever heard. Feel free to invite that rep into the crazy world of Savage Nobody!

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column for anonymous blowjobs!

Fucking a turkey that hasn’t been properly defrosted is extremely dangerous and liable to result in frostbite in places you really don’t want frostbite (your penis). So I suggest you fuck the turkey. Twenty years from now when your family is gathered for Thanksgiving dinner, you can tell the tale of how you lost your…