I don’t know about you, but I always read Savage Love for the neologisms and am disappointed whenever Dan brings up sex for some completely random reason.

You must be new to the internet; it’s possible to develop a fetish for ANYTHING.

Wait, wanting to be torn apart and eaten by zombies is an unusual fetish? Asking for a friend...

That’s my choice for the best opening shot of all time. 

Love this film. The opening segment alone could stand as both one of the great shorts and one of the great romances, and the other two aren’t far behind. Hou films everything with such precision, from the lighting, to the camera movement, to the use of architecture. You can’t help but be seduced by the visuals, even…

I suggest following the golden rule of love quadrangles: when in doubt, turn to Fuck, Marry, Kill.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The best advice column of all time (as voted on by me and my mom). 

Pizza Hut. It’s not fine dining, but it’s also not Domino’s.

You can have all the money I’ve made from this advice column so far: $0.00.

Anything. Although, the more ridiculous the better.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Ask me for advice! In fact, ask me anything at all! I’m so desperate!

Well, although I don’t claim to know this “Nobody” that you speak of (although I hear he’s handsome) I think you should completely forgive him for everything. I can’t say for certain why he didn’t show up, but perhaps he forgot, and perhaps the reason he forgot is that he doesn’t prioritize his column as much as he…

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Sorry for missing last week, but I’m here now for all the questions that you needed answered then!

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg and The Young Girls of Rochefort both contain some of the finest music ever put to screen. R.I.P.

Holmes and Watson was robbed!

Sigh, another reference I don’t get. You’re not pretending to be one of R. Kelly victims are you? I’m pretty sure no one wants that guy.

In that case instead of having half a kid, you would have 1 kid and zero kids at the same time.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Your absolute last resort advice column!

Improve the world? Some of us are just sitting back and warming ourselves in the heat of the dumpster fire.

Dear R. Kelly,