Wow, Savage Love is really dark this week. Anyways, it’s time for Savage Nobody! Ask me your questions, creeps.

The instrument that I took up after quitting for several years was the viola (clearly the sexiest of all instruments). I’m also teaching myself how to play piano.

I’m going to practice music every day. Last year, I started playing again after a period of several years, I’ve already got back into the basics, but I want to get far better than I ever was.

Can you get high on Viagra? Might want to ask your doctor before snorting it...

Would I be correct to assume you grew up before the internet?

Savage Nobody was out last week due to stuff in my personal life, which is a shame given that I really wanted to do a Christmas edition.

Happy New Year! Here’s to another year of crazy comments!

I’m not entirely sure what tv show this is a reference to, but I’ve still managed to come up with a pretty good solution. You, your “somebody else at home,” your married man, and your married man’s wife should try to arrange a polygamy situation. Everyone gets to be with everyone and no one has to break up.

I was going to say “You don’t,” but I think Carioca’s suggestion is better. Unless you’re single, in which case the answer to your question is “You don’t.”

It’s time for Savage Nobody! The advice column you didn’t know you didn’t want!

Not only should you not dump your boyfriend, you should marry him. That way, after his app becomes huge and makes him rich, you can divorce him and then use that sweet divorce money to go out on all the dates with all the high-school boyfriends you want.

It’s time for Savage Nobody! You have questions, and I don’t have answers (at least not good ones).

It doesn’t mean he wants ethical male escort penetration, it means he was ethical German male escort penetration. I recommend you help him find the finest (ethical) male sex workers Deutschland has to offer.

No, if only because love died when Pete and Ariana broke up. This is more akin to love having it’s corpse set on fire. Remember kids, if celebrities can’t make it work, neither can you.

Dear Savage Nobody,

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Actually, it was time a while ago, but I’m running a little late today. Pester me with your problems, perverts!

That sausage speedo oaf? Hitler. Probably.

Finally, a reference to a show I’m familiar with!

It’s time for Savage Nobody! Ask me your questions and I’ll answer them. Eventually. Probably. Maybe.

Without spoiling anything major: