35B. Being hit by a bus whose driver is vomiting

Yo, Rece, I didn’t know you liked to get wet.”

White people like Desmond Howard because he makes Stuart Scott look like Malcolm X.

“I make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X huh motherfucker.”

“Depends. Is she pregnant?”

Please tell me you’re fucking with me right now

do they have statues  honoring them?

That’s a long drive home with torrential diarrhea. 

At least Gruden might be able to score a rouge. 

Mind-fucking Sharapova is something I’ve been doing since I was a teenager.

Don’t you lazy, unwashed slackers have anything better to do than post on deadspin all day? 

Like most people, they criticize in others what they secretly despise about themselves, you fat asshole. 

I bought the t-shirt about a year ago.

OK I’m Boreds takes it!

The Oreck Vacuum cleaner company is based in Nashville, though almost everything they have is made in china these days of course.

A few years ago, a friend of mine threw a 30th birthday party for her husband, complete with a bunch of gag gifts from people. Including a bunch of gas station dick pills. As the party progressed- and I continued to get drunk- another friend and I started taking them. I probably had 5-10. He took at least that many.…

So I have a story.  A local gas station had sketchy ass dick pills for ages but one day brought in the topper.  Something from Thailand called STREE OVERLORD that had an incredibly graphic illustration of Ryu fucking Chun Li.  Like, it took pains to show his dick and balls in mid penetration.  Graphic.  So I tried to…

and here I thought that Gas Station Dick Pills was just a reformed version of Dashboard Confessional

How did this have zero stars after 9 minutes? I spit out my coffee!

“I used to have trouble getting it up, because of E.D.*”