Kevin Durant is a dolphin.

Spik[ing] It Into The Net: Bad In Volleyball, Worse In Hockey

all along the Willamette

Smoot's just bitter about the boat party because McKinnie spent the whole time making him lie down on the ground repeatedly to measure Culpepper's penis.

would it even make Web Gems?

I will always be a Titan at heart. I can't deny that.

Analysts of the Spurs game noted that Parker was especially effective shaking man defense with the dribble and moving without the ball. "He's really getting separation tonight!"

A far more prevalent form of child abuse: all those parents toting their kids around, strapped into car seats, playing Weekend Edition on the radio and not even bothering to turn it off when Frank Deford comes on and starts bloviating.

@AzureTexan: 3:37-3:38 was apparently the window for "pros sounds like prose" puns ...

the Best Player In The Universe Ever

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Since I'm having this website read aloud to me, I thought at first that it was the final showdown between the two weapons that have already established their superiority over the sword, but have yet to square off against one another: the pen and the wooden staff.

What does it meaaaan?

The women's basketball teams played as well.

From the beating-a-dead-horse files:

Donald Sutherland is not impressed.

Or you can talk about other ephemera

That is the most diplomatic gloating ever

In related news the Steelers have just signed Kirk Hammett.

This, meanwhile, is one of the finest moments in Mighty Mouth history.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: A belated +1. You found the Kermit joke I couldn't.