I have no particular ill will towards Dillashaw but I know this fucks up Dana White’s plans and therefore am all about this. 

...attorney and fellow wrestling coach...

Fuck the interviewer for not putting pressure on this fucker for saying that.

Woke white blogger feels like other people should have to pay for reparations (after all, woke white blogger isn’t responsible for racism!) is perfectly on-brand for Splinter 2019.

I’m a couple of years younger than Ichiro, and if I attempted that throw my arm would vacate its socket and travel further than the ball.

Suddenly this bobblehead takes on a whole new meaning:

I dreamed last night I got on the boat to Berkeley

The SAT score of 2280 is actually lower if you convert it from Canadian.

the Angels decided to plunk their money down now and keep Trout in Los Angeles.

Shit, he’s gonna use all this money and goodwill to develop weather control satellites and become the West Coast Hank Scorpio, isn’t he? It’s always the quiet, nondescript ones you need to worry about.

I seriously wonder if Trout’s low public profile is mostly the result of his having a face so generic and unmemorable that the CIA has approached him for clandestine work.

As a former sports reporter, I never understood the open locker rooms thing either. I NEVER wanted to go into a locker room. Bring the coach to the press room, then bring in the 3 to 4 players the media requested and be done with it. Locker rooms smell like shit after a game and with all the media swarming around, I…

The ‘women in the locker room’ debate is an absolute non-issue, it’s a red herring brought up by ‘men’s right advocates’ as an outrage that nullifies reasonable discussions on inequality. It’s whataboutism of the worst form.

Seinfeld, Costanza has sex with a cleaning lady in his cube. 

“I’m going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you were going into the women’s locker room while they were changing to microwave a Hot Pocket. Is that correct?” 

No, because difficult people will blow your budget and it’s all about the moolah.

“I do contract work in high schools.”

“I may be a fall down, piss my pants drunk, but at least I remember doing so!”

Except then the shoot calendar starts to push out; if you’re booked for other work, it starts affecting your availability which is decidedly not cool.

Congratulations, you just murdered a Hooker.