Since we’re being sticklers, this graffiti isn’t period correct either.

Da, comrade.

Because epi-pens aren’t a simple blocker; they are a powerful stimulant.

I have joked FOR YEARS that I want to steal one of the lead aprons from the dentist office because when they do x-rays, they put that apron on me and I’m instantly all “namaste” when my normal operating system is more like “KILL EVERYTHING.”

I am totally getting one of these.

I have joked FOR YEARS that I want to steal one of the lead aprons from the dentist office because when they do…

Did your Mom learn anything from these life lessons?

Millennial problem: now I have to buy a newspaper.

I dunno, you’re either going to get some sort of lag on three-year-old phones, or Apple can’t make an OS that takes advantage of current hardware... not really a way around it.

After the past 12 months you really have to ask?

also lawsuits.

Because you wouldn’t operate heavy machinery/drive with any substance until you understand its effects.

KAAAANEEEEEEEEEDAAAAAAA!!!

TETSUOOOOOOOOOOOO

I literally read this as “looking at the head of my dick”.

Is there actually a list of these 500 new commands?

He said *irrational*.

The one with more capacity wins. I could have told you this.

I’m going to be generous and say that sometimes you raise your kids to the best of your ability and they still end up assholes.

Please give us the name of that hotel so we make sure to never stay there. What dicks.

“‘dress for the job you want, not the job you have’”

Shorts imply unprofessionalism the same way an adult diaper implies incontinence.