I am just popping in here to say that if a cat ever bites you and breaks the skin, go immediately to the ER. Even if it doesn’t seem like much. Even if it doesn’t hurt that badly, or if you’ve never had an issue with a cat bite before. Cat bites can literally kill.

Not only did this coddled asshole have this cruel and idiotic take, but he thought nothing about expressing it in public, no less.

Let’s not. Let’s just not have deductibles. Let’s just have real fucking first world health care like every other civilized goddamn country.

She paid $233 WITH INSURANCE? I’m flabberghasted at how utterly FUCKED the system is at perceiving who is committing which crimes in this story!

I don’t think you could have a prouder moment than turning yourself in because you fraudulently obtained some medicine for a poor and sick child.

The defamation charge, should it be investigated as a criminal matter, “carries a penalty of five years in prison and a fine of around $50,000.

Dear Chris:

Becky would also be acceptable

I’ve got a feeling the driver has short cropped blonde hair, asks to speak to the manager all the time and is named Susan, Karen or Linda.

So, this guy can’t make a speech that could be political at the school buuuuuuuuuuuut the school sends kids decked out in MAGA hats to a political rally.

MAKES SENSE.

Yeah I don’t know where the “narc” thing comes from, but the “fat” thing is hilariously laughable given the fact that Azealia has a smoking hot body (albeit not much else to recommend her) and Grimes resembles a Dickensian orphan who bathes every half-century.

an anthropology bang

It’s a physical impossibility for Elon Musk to be out of anyone’s league. If it wasn’t for the Musk Family Emerald Mine, he’d be playing video games in a basement suite with at least one samurai sword on the wall.

I hope to use “you don’t even have bone marrow sis” or “you smell like a roll of nickels” sometime this week.

“Carey claims her former assistant, who earned $328, 500 a year...”

If the President gig doesn’t work out for Trump, it seems that the Mariah Carey assistant job is right up his alley.

It sounds like Average Anna has a pretty good time until she gets married and has kids.  That was obviously her mistake.

No, he was completely sincere. I asked him to get me a washcloth and that’s when he told me about his pure protein knowledge. I think he was kind of right, actually, and semen is, after all, a natural substance, but I’d never heard (before or since) that it could be part of a man’s skin-care regimen.

I am a gay man. When I was in college I had one-night stand with a fellow collegian.

I’m confused- if semen is so great for women, why are chodes like this always telling us to keep our legs closed?