Is this supposed to be some sort of adoring gaze? My dog looks at me like this when I put him in the bathtub.

Ugh my boobs look so huge and my hired car is already here so there’s just nothing I can do about it nooooooo what a bummer grr

Actually Kirstie Alley, your boobs look perfectly normal. Don’t pull anything trying to grasp for that attention...

Ever since having a baby in 2010, I cry over every stupid thing imaginable. Sentimental hallmark commercials? Tears. My now-husband helping my son brush his teeth for the first time? Mega tears. My son’s first hit in t-ball? All the damn tears.

“I could hear my family crying during my wedding and I, dry-eyed, was like, “Yes, yesssss, WEEP for me. Muahaha.”

I will never understand how anyone can support the death penalty, In the US there have been so many studies shown that black people are more likely to face death penalty than white people and that the murderers of white victims were 4.3 times more likely to be sentenced to death than those who killed black victims.…

Smallest and biggest dick all wrapped into one. How DOES he do it?

The maniacal laugh that happened when I found THAT picture cannot be described in mere words.

EVERYBODY.

I LIVE IN LA! I WANT THE JOB. I AM AN AWESOME TYPER AND I HAVE THE SHORT STUBBY NAILS OF A MOUNTAIN TROLL PLUS I AM AWESOME.

I thought we tried to treat things relatively here - you know, just because you’ve never experienced something, doesn’t mean no one has. Oh, and, you know, implying that I only date “fucking retards.” Nice. Bet you’re a blast at parties.

“And what is a person supposed to do? :/”

I mean, there is something to be said for the courtesy period before starting things with the new person.

I’ve been in this situation before. To open up to someone like you never did before in your entire life, only to suddenly have the door slammed in your face... metaphorically speaking. It leaves you speechless and ashamed. And then something inside of you says “See? I told you to be carefull. You knew this was going…

ARE YOU ME FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION?! This exact thing happened to me except I was like 4’11, had bad acne and nose I hadn’t grown into yet. I cried in the bathroom my mom and favorite teacher came and got me to leave. Jokes on them I’m really hot now.

CAN WE JUST RAISE PRICES AND GET RID OF TIPPING? Ugh.

Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…

I'm slow, can someone explain Rashida Jones' tweet to me?

Maybe it's because I grew up there, but I miss Chicago so much! California pisses me off with its damn traffic, near identical boring weather and lack of authentic Mexican food if you don't live in Los Angeles. The last one stings the most after having my top five favorite Mexican restaurants at a convenient distance.