This is a good idea, and here is why.

Heavily vegetable-topped pizzas can have a lot of water on top if they are prepared incorrectly; and cutting said pizza will lead to a box so soggy that the pizza falls through it onto my shoes which WERE flyknit Nikes and now I have hot pizza water BURNING MY FEET and that’s how…

Thanks for saving me a trip to the press site. 

Ding ding. This is the most likely scenario. Will or no will, the daughters each probably own 50% of the estate and can’t agree on anything other than paying the tax bill.

I spotted mine last night, I think. Something about the Evil Dead?

Or the balaclava?

At a farcical aquatic ceremony 

That’s not what some Arthur guy says.

There are species so inferior the Borg wouldn’t bother with.

Did you know that Dan Quayle almost died at the Jonestown Massacre? He was scheduled to go on the same trip as Rep. Leo Ryan (who died there) in order to investigate it, but had to pull out just before the trip.

Coming to The Takeout this Summer... [Celebrity], is an Electrocuted Hot Dog a Sandiwch?

It’s German, if it’s not in all caps how will you not know how serious I am?

I’m not going to defend SUVs, but that illustration is bunk. Those people would be about 5'0" tall. They need to use REAL PEOPLE. Hey, that’s a great idea, someone should make car commercials using real people. 

All caps = no star...even if it is for dramatic effect

My current Pie Problem is that I don’t currently have any pie.

Really, I just butter everything to be on the safe side.

Tasticles.

“furikake”

...you’re That Guy with the jacked truck, that’s jacked up with hockey pucks, aren’t you.

Yeah it’s called fun you dweeb

So... what is the mission statement of The Takeout? Things about food, that don’t make me better at cooking?