Especially since that the new law said that seventeen year olds could do federal time.

“but when you make Cheddar Bay croquettes you get to stay home for lots more sexy times because your fine ass is the Red Lobster.”

It took me a real minute to realize you’re not feeding your dogs live fish

Homie, if you have the cash and can still pay rent. Do it, do it for us both. 

I could have gone another lifetime without reading the phrase “Asian Ball Glaze” 

Nope, he was just the first civilian Director of the CIA serving from February 1953 until November 1961,

Nope, just copied the guy’s username in “no this is patrick” fashion. 

No, he’s Dead Elvis, Inc. says no to herbs

This makes me so nervous, please fix this. 

I don’t know if this is allowed Claire, you’re going to get us in trouble!

I understand that reference. 

This is wonderful

Lillian Stone, Are you the one for whom Kate Bernot foretold? The one who would lead us out of our corn syrup sins? 

Godspeed Kate, enjoy the alcohol-laden tables of Valhalla,

And here I was thinking my stupid expensive rarely used stand mixer could get by without expressing some thought to the known universe. 

Those spilling/overflowing latte “art shots”. Give me one good reason why someone should waste valuable coffee for a dumb “up in the air” shot. It’s not like someone has to clean it up later. Ugh, it’s the worst.

Indeed! Our good taste is only rivaled by our lack of smell.

comfort food maxed out to 20

Allison! Welcome back to the land of the living!

Shin Black is king.