Dude! My dad used to slide me saltines with shitty yellow mustard on them. Sometimes sardines too, that’s that grade A old man food.

I had a fight with my whole office about how to cook brats, turns out I’m the only beer boiler here. It’s lonely at the top. 

What a fuckin heartbreaker, I’m picking between wings or brats? Pretzels with a grainy mustard and onion dip? 

Holy shit this is a quality autumnal brew. I’m drinking at room temp (I’m a beer plebian I’m so sorry) I’m getting allspice and apples galore. Thanks for the suggestion Kate!

Sincerely Tic Tac Cat Bell

Update: can’t seem to log in on my phone.
I’ll comment in the morning I guess.

There’d be more if I was there, it’s a fine product, but it’s not whipped cream. 

That’s an interesting point. 

The real question is do I take another semester of pre-reqs or do I buy more avocado toast?

Imagine how many mints your cat would keep from you if you subbed the bell for a pack?

Mice died for your right to be seen as anything other than a cheese eater, and this is how you repay them? Way to set mouse culture back by three decades, all for a bite of subpar swiss.

I always have a pack in my backpack for when I know I’m going to be crammed in with people and I’m suddenly unsure if I’ve ever brushed my teeth. They also work well to announce my walking pace to passersby. 

worth it

How have I not seen this reply until now? Rest assured Kate, I will not rest nor will I partake in any meaningful office work until my task is complete and you live vicariously through my lime seltzer experience. 

Have you tested your mettle against the Paqui death chip yet?

I am confident I could survive off black coffee and lemonade, although I haven’t had a lime seltzer before.

how could you?

HERESY, MAY YOUR CAST IRON PANS RUST AND YOUR BLADES BLUNT BEFORE THEIR TIME. MAY YOUR CHILDREN REMEMBER YOUR WORST MEALS AND YOUR FAVORITE STEAK RECIPE BE WITHHELD FROM YOUR SONS

Happy to see Lynchburg on The Takeout, wish it were under better circumstances.