“Amber romance” is one I really used to like. I think my mom still wears it. It smells super good.

Workers Comp should cover his medical bills. And call your insurance company. NOW.

In a Wednesday press conference, Arpaio noted that the settlement was a good business decision since the girl’s family had initially sued for $30 million.

Not my story, but my parent's instead. So back when my mother was still alive, we would occasionally talk about whether she would get to see her oldest kid and only daughter walk down the aisle (not very likely...and well, never now!). Inevitably though, the conversation would always turn to how terrible of a start…

"The ocean is hungry."

My current boyfriend nearly drowned in Costa Rica while honeymooning with his ex-wife. He managed to get caught in a rip tide and was barely able to swim back to shore, where he collapsed from exhaustion. I don't think the ex-wife was around when this happened; apparently the whole beach was deserted, except for a…

I’m an attorney. I had a genius (legit!) prof in law school who dedicated a significant portion of our class time to talking about how to respond to soft sexism in the context of client relations, the courtroom, negotiations, etc. (milliem, your story arose more than once.) Once, when talking about how to respond when…

Maybe if they don’t get their stupid birthday cake a couple times in a row, they’ll get the fucking message.

Who is going to stop them? One time I volunteered at a food tent at a graduation. I was cursed out at least 10 times because I was told not to allow anyone in until the commencement was called to an end. I was body shamed. My mama was talked about. I was told I had no clue how much they paid for their kid to attend…

I know that this probably isn’t the point, but if I had $20 to spare, I would probably choose to just buy myself breakfast instead of paying to hunt for eggs that could potentially score me one, along with a black eye.

MAYBE YOU WERE PREGNANT. MAYBE YOU HAD JUST BEEN PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH. THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR LIFE.

Oh god, the cold shit sweats. That’s a sure sign that there’s trouble.

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

I got food poisoning from bad seafood at a beach in France before getting on a transatlantic flight. (Don’t get shrimp delivered to your cabana. Just don’t.) I don’t even remember how many hours the flight was. I threw up more times than I had previously believed was possible.

This really, really deserves more stars, but I think people are missing it.

Need to undertake a poll asking fourth graders if the nasty old people in government should be put in homes for old people.

I worked at Applebee's for almost three years in my hometown of about 22,000 people. I was working full time as a hostess and the to-go server, and was also working full time in our local junior high school in a classroom for troubled kids. I'd get to the school at 7:00 in the morning, work until 3:30, go home, change…

Apparently, she did not know when she inherited the restaurant that the underground grease traps not only needed to be cleaned regularly, THEY HAD NOT BEEN CLEANED SINCE THE RESTAURANT OPENED IN 1952.

If only there was an organization that looked out for Italian Americans, that could advocate on her behalf, that could negotiate with the museum, maybe make them an offer that they perhaps might have a hard time refusing.

I go through these periods where my skin looks like crap (likely due to hormonal changes) and I will spend hours researching the internet, then buy something that ends up irritating my skin. There are simply too many products for too many issues, it's overwhelming. Meanwhile, my husband continues to use bar soap.