Haikus are poems
Poem has two syllables
Poem has only one

I wrote a haiku about this very question:

Thankfully for Goff, the sun also rises in the West.

Ooh I’ll play!

I got kicked out of a bar for throwing olives at the bartender. I have been kicked out of a lot of places for various reasons, but all of those were when I was like 21-24. The olive incident, however, was just like a year ago...

“24? Too old.”

There's always gotta be a decency truther

I don’t think this necessarily offers hope for humanity, but I wouldn’t say it’s just basic decency for a guy who went to the school expecting to be fawned over by excited kids to instead sit down with a lonely, awkward boy who probably didn’t even know who he was.

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

“They only showed him kill that guy on replay” is my favorite comeback of all time now. Find that hill and die on it, buddy.

LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

A hand turkey is much more personal, especially if you caption it with something like I’m thankful for our friendship. Gobble.

Can’t blame Rams players for not believing in dinosaurs, unicorns,, Sasquatch, the playoffs, and other things they’ve never seen.

Saw a mermaid once. I saw the woman half sticking out of the water, waving her hands frantically towards me, so I waved back, just to be friendly, I’ve never met a mermaid before, so what do you even say?? Then she disappeared under the water and must have swam back to her mercity. Pretty neat little day at the beach.

Oh, and why is worried about the trailer, and not the WANG SHAPED POND only a few blocks away?