I smoked before work, and I started selling thousands of dollars of manufacturing machinery while crushing an everything bagel with cream cheese. Works fine for me.

Though only one could be named starter, both Cassel and Bridgewater are pro-moat.

Wow lmao mad props to 50. That was painful, i wanna hear him read that harry potter page so bad

Nobody pays for what's inside a Swisher.

Here, have a snickers.

Matt Bonner takes nothing for granite. Making money Hanover fist. Has a Keene sense of humor to boot.

I think what Lewis is saying is Colby should have went for the jack instead of exploiting the swiss defense on the left side of the infield, thereby increasing the amount of cheddar he earns in his next contract. Some of our older readers camembert Ted Williams used to do that. Like any good American would do.

Isn't it a little too early in the football season to be talking about how bad the Rams are?

It's only boring to someone who doesn't know anything about SEC football, Tom. Obviously, dummy, that "snoring" is the sound of an NCAA compliance officer at work.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house, except, you know, one of his.

Hernandez 6/17/13 (11:35:01 P.M.): I think I messed up bad, coach. What do I say when the media starts asking the tough questions?

Must be great for all those Packer fans who own shares of the team! What a great investment!

If this is the honest version then why is Michael Jordan tipping?

Wouldn't the need for all that security be bigger if he *wasn't* signing with Cleveland?

Bath police is what my uncle used to call it :(

Melo: [Resigns with Knicks]

Patrick Ewing: [Comes out of retirement, signs with Knicks, hopes to finally win championship]

"Fuck it, I'm rich." -Jeremy Lin

Jeremy Lin mad? Jeremy Lin mad.

"Fuck..." - Jeremy Lin

If I'm Tony Dungy, I give my kids a hug every once in a while.