yeah! don’t these clowns know they’re supposed to dance for our amusement until the end of time? dance, monkeys! dance!

Here you go, have a companion piece to that.

I'd only add "4. ALWAYS pretend you've 'won.'"

It’s basically a script at this point.

Impossible not to think of:

I love how "I like to do my own research" has become such a convenient shorthand for me to instantly dismiss the person saying it as a complete fúcking moron.

Always fun to use this twice in a day:

My first thought was that a solid gold cylinder the size of a beer can would weigh well over 10 lbs, making the winning packs not difficult to determine.

This take, while widespread, is incredibly ableist.

This. 20 year old Kaitlyyn taking a picture of her food the table over? Bothers me not at all. She paid for it, she’s allowed to be impressed with it being pretty.

Well this fucking sucks. I one-million percent support them but, man. We, the actual readers, are fucked now. (Not as fucked as them though. G.d. bullshit.)

Speaking of work being a nightmare...

Other options featured one of Karn’s prized guitars for some reason

Let ‘em know what they’re in for?

No thanks, it’s worth $8 to me to never have to think or learn about Roblox. 

From what I can tell, Roblox is a billion dollar scam to get children to spend a lot of money playing online multiplayer minigames developed by other users who are nearly all just simple games with stolen IPs, which is ironic given the whole thing is based around the stolen IP of LEGO-style brick minifigures but don’t…

Yeah, I agree, ever been 19? I can personally say that I was still largely as dumb and unaware as I was at 17, and I had dropped out of one college already, was attending community college, and living back in my childhood bedroom.

Don’t get me started on SNAP benefits. The way this country treats its most vulnerable is unforgivable.  I’m also realizing that I have never had Little Caesar’s before!

“But...why?”

Looked out a window lately? 

Or you know, just get an Indian actor to play an Indian character instead of a white dude doing an impression.