I’m a registered dietitian with a friend that insists I could change my life by being the new face of Plexus!! Yeah, I’m sure I could. I would be unemployable and have my license revoked due to ethical issues. Not exactly the life change I’m looking for.

That shit makes me so mad. Don’t invite me to your virtual party so you can make money off of me. Because girl, I know you saw me wave at you when we were at the same Mexican restaurant with our families a month ago and you acted like you didn’t know me. So take your costume jewelry and shove it up your ass.

the It Works, Plexus, and Beach Body people are the worst about it. #WhatIfThisCouldChangeEverything is the hashtag Plexus uses and it grates on me that it’s so fucking emotionally manipulative and people keep falling for it.

Damn...is that why some of them call me DJ?

Jesus thank you. All oral is not good oral. Overstimulation makes me want to kick someone in the face.

they want to act like my clit is a turntable or something.

Ugh this. So much. Like, just take it easy dude!

I think that’s the fault of porn. Those poor ladies look like someone is trying to start a fire on their clits when they get rubbed on, and I think it gives dudes the wrong idea.

Nope, not weird at all. I’m down with PIV, but fingers in my vagina make me feel like a bowling ball. Not hot.

Good for you! It took me so long to get over being embarrassed about asking for oral, and if a guy offered I always said “are you sure???” like it was some grand gesture. It wasn’t until late in college when I was with a guy and he’s like, yeah I love it it’s the best and all guys should do it and here watch this and…

It is weird to not like fingers inside you though? Asking for a friend...

If you don’t go downtown, then I have no time for you. Tongue on my clit, or get the fuck out.

Deep kissing is gross, though. Can we compromise with breathy necking and a solid ear lobe game?

Agreed. If I find out on my own? Don’t you dare lie to me. If I would never know, and it really, truly was a one-time thing? Ask yourself, are you telling me because I actually do need to know for a good reason (STD, pregnancy, blackmail attempt, etc.) or are you trying to unburden yourself by doing the “right” thing…

Great. At this rate every single living person in the country should be dead by May.

Fake news! Sad.

she knows Herr Drumpf tried to get Tiffany aborted, right?

Hello, my fellow rabble-rouser!

Have you seen this?

I’m white enough to applaud when sizzling fajitas come to the table, but I agree with every part of this.