I wouldn’t say “rabid,” but, to quote Kathy Griffin, “She is my favorite little box of crazy.” I like Paula a lot.

I guess Chipotle’s always looking for new ways to make people sick.

***Insert adorable girl saying “why not both?”***

My mom asked me, uncomfortably, if it was true that Donald Trump was running for president because she'd been under the impression, until Tuesday this week, that it was an elaborate satirical sketch.

“The eyebrows don’t change much on a person. You’re born with your eyebrows.”

The last time I wore a vest, it was the 1980s and, regrettably, my vest looked like this:

I’d like to pay attention to the Kesha situation but I’m busy listening to the head of the RIAA lecture the public about how lousy fans treat artists.

If the richest, most famous white women can’t get even the slightest hint of justice, why the fuck should any other woman expect anything positive to come of reporting the abuse they survive?

Alls I’m saying is that cow is not a slimming look if you’re concerned about that.

Though she “used to be charmed by Kanye’s outlandish behavior,” she’s more than over it at this point, and finds it “irritating and off-putting.”

Yes. When he’s excited it’s Jebediah!

So many dicks in my face and you’d think I'd be happy...

Not sure how Winona overlaps with her career, what a strange ZEN DAYAGRAM

The best part for me is that he bought a Belgian make.

Monogrammed guns: The new thermoses.

Dude looks like a Zaide

Next: “20 AND OVER THE HILL” and “KYLIE JENNER RECCOMENDS THE BEST ANTI-WRINKLE CREAM”

Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks that Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don’t be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn’t a demon. She’s a witch.
Xander: Please, she- Really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness.

“First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut prosciutto.”