Whatever Mark. I was doing it before it was even cool.

I KNOW! I'm obsessed! I hereby officially name the left nut, "Hoppy," and the right nut, "Bobbity Bob."

I think she's had a small stroke. Honestly, it's hard to tell. How do you know for sure when Bleu cheese has gone bad?

Yeah...on my honeymoon no less. However, I'm here to tell you that you can eat probably dozens of tiny ants and live. I didn't even want to make myself throw up because if I saw ants come up I would have fainted and drowned in the toilet.

Even our towels shall not save us from this one.

If I want a flavor snack, I eat dried lentils flavored with the salt of my own tears from watching videos of endangered animals.

Oh my God. OH MY GOD, I misread that and thought he was talking about the Apollo THEATER and the people running that as a complaint about the push for more diversity behind the scenes in entertainment.

I love her! I think she and Pam from True blood are my spirit animals.

Remember the story about the ghost truck in the yard, the pounding all over the house? My eyes are watering just remembering that one.

I'm haunted by her inability to shoot video in landscape.

"our 10 oz. filet Mignon, cooked "Extra, extra, EXTRA well-done"

I think the mozzarella stick photo is included to remind us all that we are only one marathon appeteaser session away from becoming dumb customers ourselves.

I was serving appetizers at a wedding once:

Lady: What's that??

Yup, that's the next move. I outweigh Caity by a good 75 pounds, she's going down. She'll always beat me on quality, but as soon as she got quantitative, I knew I had her.

This is the Comcast cancel call equivalent in nightclub booking.

Ah. Ok that is valid. The strangest thing about that whole situation is that Palahnuik is gay. Not really the MRA savior that MRAs want, but more like the savior they need.

Behind Closed Ovens has become the main reason I go on Jezebel now. Thank you, Pinkham. Thank you Service People who write in with your stories. You are all wayyy cooler than I would be in your shoes. Be my friends?