Farewell to vile (viral Internet) man Rick Santorum

Ah, yes, appealing to all the armchair Gawker lawyers.

I’m sure we’ll all learn a lot.

Sure, you can drink these, but why?

As a resident of CT, I hope he doesn’t do it here.

Damn RIGHT you can!! A few years ago me and a few friends took a trip from Hartford to Lime Rock for the ALMS race, and I was shithammered before even walking into the Michelin Hospitality tent where they were serving more free booze.

So this is the kind of Jezebel scolding reserved for Beyonce—“it gets hairy.”

Beyonce was in it too but let’s just focus on Coldplay. God forbid anyone say anything bad about Beyonce.

You, on the other hand, have nothing nice to offer the world.

Man, on the heels of B.o.B.’s bullshit earlier this week, it’s like everybody has to disagree with Newton.

I am now officially one of “the olds” because not one damn sentence in this article makes a damn lick of sense to me.

I don’t know what any of these words mean. So, today is starting to feel like a good day.

Next up: I think ketchup tastes bad, so I don’t eat it: a 7000 word glimpse into the human soul.

“... and the banned is on the field!”

Worse than the guy at the blackjack table who constantly calls it poker?

...become a good rapper who makes good songs, or get out of the way to make space for someone who will.

“I scoped one out myself”

Because he wore cool clothes and was photogenic. People are such hypocrites.

They’re baaaack...

Outstanding, I am now a Blair Walsh fan. He made Drew cry, and he made these kids’ year.

Pretty adorable in the classroom, but I bet it got awkward at recess when he was the last one picked for kickball.