MOTHER!

I have negative sympathy for these people. Actions have consequences, and your crocodile tears aren’t going to get you a thing, except for even more of my scorn. These racist hillbilly motherfuckers can go dry-fuck a rusty knife.

Yea I always think Kimmel is lame, but I actually thought the Matt Damon bashing was hilarious.

Kellyanne be all like:

This made my ENTIRE LIFE! Wish this wasn’t happening? WHERE??!! It NEEDED to happen! Remy Ma decimated Nicki in seven minutes. I was so shook that I immediately went to the pews of the Greater Missionary Church of Black Twitter and let the words of the congregation wash over me. The best? “I didn’t know that Meek…

Yes Viola, we know you can act. Get over yourself.  That speech was pure unadulterated horse shit.

I hate that “All I Wanna Do” song with an intensity that is probably not healthy for me.

No, why didn’t you think about what I said before responding? why are you trying to dunk on people when you should be listening? You’re attacking someone who has the same politics as you becasue they don’t have the same sense of humor. You’re fighting your own side and the only prize is you get to call a stranger a…

You know what this reminds me of? Peterhof Palace. In Russia.

Ok so Adele has been lovely about this whole ordeal, but can I just say I am tired of the hand wringing over Beyonce?

Regardless of the question, the answer is always Aisha.

I’m not into Amy Schumer, but she has a bit about how she has to bite back sympathy and offers of assistance to friends who announce pregnancy, even though her social group is now at an age where “congratulations” is in order. I felt that SO hard.

Clooney said for years that he would never marry again, and that he would definitely not have kids.

Am I the only one disappointed by this? I mean, every time celebs who said they didn’t want kids decide to get prego, I get a little sad.

I have to admit that Kylie Jenner is the first person I think of when I hear “Kylie.”

Beyonce has always been quite thirsty and basic. It comes with the territory of celebrity self-promotion and appealing to the masses.

I made you a cake, Megan.

Drag her, drag Ivanka, drag the fucking ten year old. I don’t give a single, solitary fuck anymore. Do what needs done.

Capitulating and playing nice with these motherfuckers for the last sixteen years has led straight to this shit. It’s time for us to strangle the fucking stupid out of them if we have to.

We all have our biases. My bias is an irrational hatred of Julia Roberts. I refuse to see anything she is in.