Watch, there will be at least one commenter who claims there's nothing wrong with her not knowing the difference between a vegetable and a cephalopod, and who accuses us both of dipshit-shaming.

Saw the picture of the mozzarella sticks and thought "How's Caity holding up? She good?"

I'm suuuuuper late to the party, but I still have a story!

Mispronouncing an obscure random food item: Fine, who gives a fuck?

Do you also claim to speak "American" instead of English?

He didn't know people eat it? That's so weird. Doesn't he ever watch TV or movies or read books or go to restaurants?

In college I had a friend who had never had honey. She was 20, so not quite as bad as your story, but still... you've never eaten honey? How is that possible?

Do you live in the UK? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you don't know that jalapeños — and their correct pronunciation — are about as American as it gets. Children know how to say it correctly. Farmers in Mississippi say it correctly — they grow them. It is decidedly not hoity-toity.

As my fiancee says, "Don't serve the good stuff to the peasants (his parents) because they won't appreciate it and think that it's gross."

I am genuinely curious how you made it this far through life without eating mozzarella sticks.

Your mom must write all those one-star reviews on Allrecipes where they're like "well I substituted some crisco for the butter and bacon for the apples and pickles for the flour and the pie was TERRIBLE!"

I mean, it's one thing to overly pronounce something with a fake accent, it's another to say jalapeno correctly. Jalapeno is, at this point, an English word. As such, it has accepted English pronunciations, none of which are the one that moron used.

Yes. Yes it is dumb to know how it's pronounced and refuse to pronounce it the correct way.

No. No, that is not what he is saying.

I just want to make sure I understand this correctly: you're calling bullshit on the vegetable being set out and put back for three months? You're not calling bullshit on them eating it, but on the restaurant actually doing that?

You and me both. Honestly, I was dumbstruck, but there are more than a few people out there who…aren't that bright? Or observant? Or live their lives in the tiniest bubble possible? I have no idea.

I'm waiting tables at a popular spot, high end spot in East Hampton, NY. Late on a Saturday shift, at the height of the summer, I'm lucky enough to get the last table for the evening sat in my section.

60 ish, wealthy, silver-haired guy with his mid 20's, rail thin, big fake boobs date.

I drink them and special them…

Not quite the same, but I was getting a sandwich someplace and the girl kept saying "you want pepper cheese?" So I'm like "pepper jack, yeah, sure."

Even when people are being "nice" about it, that's such a shitty move to pull. I still remember like over a decade ago, working at a pet supply store, some lady came up to my register and was complaining about dented cans of cat food. I offered to call a stocker up to the register so they could see if we had any…

"If you had just gone to college ..."

Oh, FUCK YOU, lady. Fuck you so hard. Meanwhile Ellie Moore, you and I are BFF's now. It is decided.

The only time anyone ever dared to make a remark like this to me, I was working at Eddie Bauer on a morning shift. Some lady took umbrage to my (corporate mandated), "Wool socks are…