So what you’re saying is you helped fund Trump’s rise to power by drinking shitty beer that people refuse to acknowledge is shitty just because it’s still regional.

I recently saw a meme criticizing “Millennials” for “eating Tide Pods one week and then trying to be constitutional scholars the next.” Which was apparently a dig at the school walkouts or something?

Yes it’s a huge thing. In prison.

The Boondock Saints is the movie equivalent of wine coolers.

It’s not that they didn’t realize it was supposed to be satire, it’s just they agreed with everything he said and ignored that part or decided that he was secretly not being satirical and only they could pick up on it.

What little information there is seems to indicate that he was reasonably good with cutting tools but actually not a very good doctor. So, yes, he was a brain surgeon but given his *actual* skill set, he probably should have been a woodworker or something.

If I just woke up in an alternate universe where the Mandela Effect is called the Mingle Effect, I don’t know if I can cope with that.

NDAs and noncompetes are bullshit toxic legal concepts in the business world but it shouldn’t even be legal to apply them to one’s personal life, crime or no.

Police can compel a fingerprint. This really should have been a Bluetooth-linked smartlock, so that your PIN-protected phone could keep your drugs safe under the 1st Amendment.

There was a brief period where the Internet had yet to adequately catalog things like this and I had begun to think that I had imagined this sketch.

73 percent of teachers oppose the idea and less than 20 percent would be willing to actually carry a gun in school

They do have a cable car up that racist mountain, though.

I mean, any of the other things in this list would help you become King of High School, so I can’t imagine the list could be wrong about Steve.

I still like One Crazy Summer. It was a terrible movie when it came out and it’s a terrible movie now but it’s still enjoyable to me.

I watched Mannequin recently and the most empathetic character in the film is Roxie, the protagonist’s ex-girlfriend. Dude was a talentless sociopath and then she had to deal with her sexually harassing boss and then watch as the aforementioned talentless sociopath rocket to success in the industry she climbed the…

What if the radiation gives people extra arms? Those “nuclear arms” would totally enhance hugging proficiency.

“Well, I was on the way to a pitbull fight, and a Dominican friend of mine was like, ‘Yo, that should be your name — you’re always out here fighting these guys and battling in rap and this’ ” — Pitbull

Sure, but in this case the source material is a bunch of 12-year-olds.

When you’re like me and apparently have a lonnnnnnnnnng family tree in both this country and French Canada, your genes might all look like French or English or Irish or whatever, but they’ve been reshuffled and blended so many times over that the testing companies can’t tell the difference between a recent ancestor…