If she just figuratively married him, she would end up saving a lot on legal fees in the breakup. 

Or at least not give him the wifi password.

I love this. But also, if he was my kid I’d kick his ass out and let him couch hop with his Nazi friends. 

She was also tapped to cover for Pavarotti when he was sick before the 1988 Grammies. Here’s her Puccini:

It’s for 70-year-old men who want to hook up with 30-year-olds

Wait, turning a guy down is a bannable offense?!? That’s some toxic shit.

There’s lots of problems with that, not least of all how to calculate “cost of living” is debatable. There would be a major political fight on that alone. THEN there’d be the whole fight about “a single person to exist without needing any aid” part. I mean do you pay the 28 year old living with roommates the same as…

It still applies to the White House, sadly.

Weird. The “I was trying to sexually assault her in a different fashion” defense didn’t work?

Counterpoint: Carpool Karaoke is fun and nice. See: Sir Paul McCartney and Adele episodes, among others.

I got a pretty serious cut on my thumb buckling my kid into her carseat. I can’t even find a sharp edge anywhere, so how it happened is a mystery.

It is amazingly meta that somebody is making money by doing nothing but just looking like somebody who also makes money by doing nothing! WHOA!!!

To be fair, they want to punish EVERYONE who is poor or needs healthcare. 

Rep Diane Black, one of Trump’s most fervent supporters from the beginning, lost her bid for Governor of Tennessee lastnight!!! I am FILLED WITH GLEE. She was a pretty prominent politician and had a definite future in House leadership, but she abandoned her seat in order to make this run. And she fucking failed. And I…

Burn it all down and walk away.

Just a heads up: if you’re prefacing your comment with some variation of “I don’t like her music, but …” you sound like an asshole.

People eat oysters in the summer? I’ve always followed the “months with R in it” rule for fresh oysters.

This is the level of pettiness I aspire to, honestly.

And I doubt this would happen in this case, but you don’t want to end up in a Frances Bean Cobain sitch if things don’t end well. 

Why you gotta hate on the cheddar bay biscuits though?