I don’t like movies to feature Keanu blandface Reeves

What, you’ve never had a hobby?

I’m not sure I understand the request; did I seem to be arguing with you? I was not. If anything, I meant to suggest my direct addressee was a bit out of date. I really wasn’t that offended, though — particularly since satire runs the gamut of sympathies, and often benefits from deliberately obfuscating its own…

Maybe satire from a generation or two ago. But in 2020, it’s either that or dystopic sci-fi. (Come to think of it, I suppose there’s plenty of overlap between the genres, at least as far as authorial intent is concerned.)

I haven’t been following this as closely as some, but wasn’t the backlash supposedly key in helping conjure this thing into existence to begin with? If so, I can’t help but wonder: was it clear at some point that that’s exactly what was happening?

He was good in Shattered Glass.

Ha, apparently so. Looks like it came out two months after Knocked Up. And it does look awful.

Standards don’t apply in a pandemic — and anyway, Demi Moore was in Nothing but Trouble, which...I already regret remembering. (I’m actually more surprised by Craig Robinson; I’m sure he’s done some terrible movies in the past, but off the top of my head, all I can think of are the good ones.)

I usually pronounce it like Jen on Bob’s Burgers (who also doesn’t know what “bath time” means):

I suspect this works better with pigs than it would with most animals, but I’d also like to see the raccoons in my neighborhood given this treatment. The way they navigate the streets (and fences, and fire escapes...), you could almost film them like the gangs in West Side Story.

So many people trying to call Cronenberg, and the only way to reach him is a pay phone in a bath house? That guy really is weird as shit.

I guess if he has to spew, he might as well spew into this.

I saw them a few times, until a full two weeks before Halloween, when the display model disappeared. “Didn’t there used to be a giant-ass skeleton, like, right here?” I asked one of the employees, but he just shrugged. Either he was like one of those idiots in Ghostbusters 2 who basically forgot the Stay-Puft…

I’ll see your Thayers and raise you McBrayers.

Maybe, but at least it was more or less up-front about it. Remember when they bought ABC in the 90's, and suddenly it became every sitcom character’s lifelong dream to go to Disney World? (I think it must’ve been right around that time that PBS suffered historic de-funding — I guess they should’ve been trying a bit…

I’d never really listened to The Police much — then I saw Sting with Paul Simon a few years ago at Madison Square Garden, and I decided this had to be corrected. Now, every time I rewatch season 3 of Community, I’m reminded that I never bothered.

It’s hard to argue with that. I guess the theory is that kids might emulate the characters’ behavior while still too young to fully recognize it as cruelty. When I was seven or eight, I had a friend who liked to try to burn insects alive using a Fisher Price optics playset. Where did he even get that idea, I wonder?…

Yeah, but they were all Keebler elves. It was a union thing, back when Giuliani was... You know what? Just look it up.

Huh, you must be right, but I honestly don’t remember anything about newspaper puzzles — I always thought it was some bullshit work prize, like the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Performance in the Field of Excellence.