That’s an impressive list, but call me when Akira Kurosawa Asaad Kelada weighs in.

I dunno, maybe he had a Tijuana bible stuck in there. He was a friend of the boss, and as far as I know he never did any work — could be the entire attaché case was just a prop.

So it’s...not Hammer Time?

An old co-worker of mine apparently loved these books — for over a year I’d see the name “Lee Child” peeking out from his attaché case. I tried to console him when Cruise was cast. “Lee who?” he said. “Oh, the fucking author? He can’t write for shit. I haven’t been able to make it through a single chapter.”

Fun fact: the script for Hot to Trot was originally shopped as a Love Bug reboot, with Goldthwait in the Hackett role.*

I have a vague notion that it was just a joke on a TV show, but I still find myself wondering how Derek could have had wind-chimes for genitals. Like, where does the skin end and the metal begin? And was Mindy St. Clare indeed able to achieve sexual arousal? And is Cronenberg available to film an extended webisode…

That’s not been my experience at all. Most adults I’ve met who read Harry Potter books (and they’re mostly women) are at least somewhat familiar with classic English lit. And I wouldn’t necessarily put Rowling on the level of Austen or Dickens or Eliot, but I daresay she’s better than at least one of the Brontës. (OK…

If you can be an adult fan of sports (and yes, you can — people totally are), you can be a fan of Harry Potter. At least Harry Potter has wands and dragons and shit. I’ve watched no fewer than 2.5 Super Bowls in my life, and I didn’t see a single house elf or enchanted choo-choo train, even at half-time. Like, WTF?

No, no, you leave typos uncorrected — that way the waves serve as a reminder to pick up Ruffles potato chips. That’s Journalism 101.

It’s a ground-floor apartment in New York, and I’m a high-strung native. Silence can be very nice — it’s just not always an option.

I’m skeptical of this statement, but I can’t say for sure that you’re wrong, since I don’t read/comment, ever — there’s no social component for me. But I think online chat, in general, is horrible, and I can’t remember ever being in a chat room that felt like anything but a waste of time, even in 1994 on America…

See, YouTube doesn’t do it for me, since it’s not live — the psychology is very different. If I have a YouTube video on, I’m inevitably tempted to actually sit down and watch it — and when I leave the room, I’m tempted to pause it. Twitch is by nature more ephemeral; you can talk on the phone or listen to music or…

Much better than Miss Quote-Unquote “November.” Her pictorial clearly has a spring motif!

God help me, I like Twitch. I used to leave NPR on in the background 24/7, but then 2016 happened, so I can’t deal with the hourly news breaks. I can deal with kids playing Super Mario 64 and Cuphead, though (at least the girls, who actually seem to, like, enjoy the games; the guys tend to get very petty and worked up,…

I’ve never heard this before, from anyone. I didn’t think there were any legitimate “hot takes” left, but you, sir, may have found the last. Kudos to you for this (and also for your guest appearance on My Two Dads and its inception of one of TV’s less likely shared universes).

I almost “cool story bro”’d myself with this one, but there are so many good ways to do it — I’m never sure which to use:

So, I haven’t used my Apple TV much in the last few months, and Devil Wears Prada has been “paused” on my home screen for quite some time, functioning as something like a desktop. But I watched Sleepaway Camp about two weeks ago, and was consequently left with this:

Coincidentally, they were all behind the middle school getting pregnant.

Do you have something specific against him? Or does he just Schreib you the wrong way?

I used to think he was very funny too, and now I’m wondering why, but all I can remember is him yelling about Johnny Depp and Richard Grieco.