“SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”

To his credit, Allen also called Santa Ana after their meeting to apologize again.

Considering Trump single-handed my destroyed the USFL and then tried to buy the Bills, but was considered unworthy of the NFL (as he’s an admitted sexual predator, he’s actually perfect for the league), I’m not sure he’s in a position to comment on the quality of football being played.

I’m thinking Mencken is appropriate these days: “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

Just shout “WRONG!” in the middle of her diatribe and get her off balance a bit.

As others have pointed out, Kathy Griffin is basically likening Hamm to the characters he played in Bridesmaids and 30 Rock.

Pretty sure Tomato Troll was a Slovenian provocateur.

MoNa? Cripes. Are we giving nature a NYC neighborhood acronym now? Just kill me, please, ughhhhhhhh.

In other words:

Fortunately, their comments only translate to 75% of any value.

Look, I love Canada. They’re awesome. That being said, it’s not like they don’t have electoral issues from time to time.

This is the real version.

While I personally have no personal feelings about Pumpkin Spice lattes, I did cackle when I saw this sign in south Tacoma:

FLavoured coffee can suck my dick. Unless it’s flavoured with rum. Or whisky. Or brandy.

That photo of Bill looks like he’s being physically restrained after being provoked to violence by Ken Bone.

You mean ... beyond pacifism?

If Noah doesn’t want to support an organization that ruins young men’s lives then he shouldn’t have signed with the Knicks.

Sounds like I can keep on fucking ‘em, though, so that’s good news.