Hey, if this is true consider me...

It’s been done before...

I only regret that I have but two hands with which to shoplift nachos and Coronas.

I would have preferred a recap of Syndergaard’s bomb against the Phillies, but this is somehow even more beautiful.

Isn’t Lakewood the Florida of Washington? If I’m wrong I owe you a growler from Seven Seas.

I have no reason to believe you aren't the real John Boehner, so...

BACK OFF POLISH! Seriously.

Mike Francesa is a radio broadcaster. Gotta get him going.

I'm sure quite a few Chiefs out there would complain about there not being a section on Warrant Officers...but that would require putting down the coffee mug, taking their other hand out of there pocket, being at work past 1500...

For shame, Jim Edmonds, for shame...

Seems logical.

Circa 2005 Nerdlingers would like to thank Rudy’s for its...lax inspection of obvious fake IDs...

Good to see Cormac McCarthy is writing copy for Applebee’s...

Hello, I’m George Harrison.

This reminds me of ancient, pre-history Gawker and The End of Douchebag...

It’s hard to capture the biggest component of North Dakota in a couple of words-meth addled bros in greasy Carhartt pants and Monster hats, crushing Budweiser and watching MMA. Let's go with UND Slipknots.

Whatever, this important takeaway is that Cubs suck, Mets rule!

You should thank the spider, it was killing all the other gross bugs in that salad.