He's actually standing in this picture. 

I grew up outside of Philly and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

Your hat is goofy. You’ll never make it to the NFL with a goofy hat. Think classy, you’ll be classy. Win 6 Super Bowls, you can wear the goofy hat and the press’ll think you’re colorful. Until you win 6 Super Bowls, however, it means you’re a slob.

Besides that I agree with all of this, I will just read it again because Ray Ratto can really fucking write. 

Is this going to be deja vu of when the Lakers tried to win a ring with Karl Malone and Gary Payton?

Clearly he's suffering from war-related PTSD and needs our sympathy and understanding.

KD is going to play 6 minutes in game 5, be a -50 and then explode both Achilles. He'll then sign a super max contact with the Knicks. 

It turns out people spending more time in “the death zone” is leading to more deaths. No one could have seen this coming...

The best part of this whole thing is how absolutely furious Skip Bayless is right now. 

Ah yes, the old “here’s what a long-running franchise looks like from the outside” article, combined with the “smart person tries to dumb themselves down to appreciate escapist pop culture phenomenon” article. Creative stuff. Do we really need more of these?

Seems pretty anti-feminist for a bunch of women to demand that a bunch of men finance their livelihood. 

worst bounce ever?

At the end of the day, most people who complain about spoilers aren’t willing to make the necessary changes/sacrifices to their lifestyle to avoid them. They expect everyone else to accommodate them. If you truly, truly do not want to be spoiled, you have to be willing to avoid the internet, avoid talking to people…

“Unfollowing the team on social media makes you a bad teammate," says man who broke his teammate's jaw in a fistfight at practice.

I’m still not totally sure that's not Mysterio fucking with Peter.  It's Mysterio.  Trust *nothing*.

Sure a boat’s a boat, but the mystery box could be anything — it could even be a boat! And you know how much I’ve wanted a boat!

I thought hams were supposed to be steamed

The puppy is great, but the best part is that the family didn’t bring him home till a few weeks into the season so they get to keep him for seven years instead of six.

To be fair, if there is ever a tornado bearing down on Michael Wilbon, I also hope that no one tells him.