These ‘reporters’ just receive texts from Assistant GMs and post those to Twitter. If this is reporting, let me BREAK THE STORY that my aunt had a busy Sunday making marinara from her tomato harvest.

Please, God, some other team had better come up with a sweeter offer than whatever the Patriots are putting together.

‘Barry, Samer, Tom, Diana, Billy, Drew, David, Dan, Albert, Dom (my forever presenting partner at the Deadspin Awards), the one and only Dave McKenna, Kelsey, Giri, Luis, Patrick, Lauren, Chris, Laura, Gabe, Kiran, Anders, and last but not least, Jon Eiseman.’

11th: Getting hit by a bus

Yeah what is wrong with Cam??? Arriving to the stadium in a suit and tie???? Something amiss. 

You would not think anything on television Thursday night could be more soul-darkening than the presidential debate, and perhaps you’re right. But this football game improbably gave that dreary spectacle a real run for its money, which should not be possible.

Was this after Castro went........there? JFC Joe’s breaking down before our eyes.

Per Reuters: Manziel’s digital currency token partner:

its already the third rodeo. come on now

Gase on receiving the news:

That’s why I created a character that remains blank to us. I wanted her to be nothing so that she could be everything. I wanted her to escape an explanation.

The exact worse take possible I thought we’d relegated....but also has he read the text messages yet? Don’t they essentially confirm Brown’s culpability...’Jack my dick on ya back’?????

The chemistry is what jumps out at you. Everyone looks elated to be on Kobe’s team!

Trump Brain Status: Crater Lake

‘Browns fan in a baseball cap, sunglasses and Baker Mayfield jersey pouring beer from a bottle...’

Never forget...

Crocodile tears. Stupid, no-talent fucks all the way around. Have a great night!

‘Wow, you fucked up man.’

Boy, sounds like that ref sucks major intergluteal cleft.