“We’re looking for a shoeless, mustachioed man, who may be drunk.”

Grandparent/Grandparents have to be higher, right? I mean, that would qualify as some PTSD, life-scarring trauma if you were 8 years old at Granny’s house for Christmas.

I was wondering wtf was up with that, because I didn’t think the real Dr. Emilio would be posting racist drivel like that. Trolls will use any tactic I suppose 

The strike zone is NOT your knees to your bellybutton, not sure where you could have ever heard that. See earlier posts in this thread for clarification on the strike zone so that you don’t go spreading that false take around anymore 

Schrödinger’s shit talk? 

Personally, I’m hoping that Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC is the posthumous sponsor.

The CRA will strike again. Today we were unlucky, but remember we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always. Give us Cheeto free sandwiches and there will be no more war. 

Which is, ergo, the Zodiac Killer 

Forever a eunuch, forever a champion. 

If you don’t have horny politicians imagining fucking you, are you even a real mythological beast? 

I think most Deadspin readers would agree that Luis is the resident soccer knower, and Haisley is the resident soccer idiot

We need someone to invent the Mega Maid in real life and have her suck all the excess carbon out of the atmosphere to solve climate change

Not here for any hand-wringing about contracts and handshake agreements or the like; just here to say, why the FUCK are the New York Knicks going out of their way to sign their billionth front court player of this summer?! Their starting lineup next season could be Morris at the point, Randle at the 2, Portis at the…

I really, really hope Drew reads this.

Barron, this is is an Arby’s. 

He was certainly smashing them when he needed to tonight 

This aged like a fine wine 

You may be too kind-hearted to reason with the NFL’s cold calculus, I’m afraid. Sad to read about and watch it all play out. 

I was thinking she looked just like Crouch too, same body type