Christmas starts after Thanksgiving. Not before. Not the day of. The day after, and not even Mariah can change that.

I refuse to start Christmas season until after Thanksgiving. I may have all my shopping done by the middle of October, but that’s because I hate people and won’t go to stores if they’re busy. I also loathe most of the secular “Christmas songs”, even though I’m not at all religious. It’s just that

This isn’t my own story, but my dad’s - and my dad isn’t a liar. He’s experienced a lot of wild things taking odd jobs out on the road throughout his twenties, but this story happened right in my Indiana hometown when my mom was pregnant with my older sister. We lived in the country, and there was a hairpin turn on…

Okay, here goes. I’m 20 something, walking to my new job through the park. It’s really early in the morning, nobody around. I’m not easily scared, so it didn’t bother me. Anyway, one morning I see a guy in the park, he starts walking toward me then gives me a weird look and beers off at the last minute. I carry on, go…

Don’t keep a piece of the Chinese rocket. You’ll only want more in an hour.

Kraft mac n cheese with a can of tuna was my go to college meal.  It would last for days too.

in kindergarten our teacher brought a ton of red homemade playdough for us to play with. I was sneaky-snacking on it all morning and when we went to lunch I puked it up all over the lunch room floor. they thought it was blood. it was a thing.

I was always partial to grape Dimetapp

I bet that if you do a control roux gravy with no pectin or gelatin and refrigerate them, it would still come out the way you intend. There is collagen in the stock and cooling a butter roux-thickened sauce tends toward the solid. Any gravy I fridge in either a gravy boat or Tupperware solidifies in the fridge.

This is fair.

The entire LotR trilogy is, entirely without exaggeration, far and away my favorite movies ever made.

Hey, man: it’s in the bible.

We got lucky; both our kids left home at the start of the year so we ended up alone in a 4 bedroom house. We both tend to be shouty on video calls so the space was very welcome. 

My husband built his own shed, so I get the whole house!

Can someone explain to me why the fuck Americans are so obsessed with labeling everything? Why does it have to be a “she shed”, “man cave”, “demo day”? And don’t get me started on basic bitches labeling baskets you can clearly see the contents of, and the epitome of this crap, those faux shabby chic signs with crap…

Theory: She sheds are the natural response to the “open concept” house everyone thought they wanted but quickly learned meant “No place at all to get away to”.

The house I just bought has a man cave in the form of an electric shop.  It’s now a she shed by virtue of the total lack of men in my household.  It’s not really going to fit the mold though - I am turning into my home gym.

Worst. Hype. Man. Ever.

Food processors too! I use sour cream instead of water and every crust since I started has been perfect.

A friend of mine got SHITFACED at a Halloween party. The stressful part was me and her boyfriend wrestling with her in the parking lot to keep her from driving home. So, a vampire and a hooker were throwing down with an very drunk, violent angel. It ended with her breaking her car key off in the ignition, pissing…