I WOULDN'T, I'D PUT THE MONEY TOWARD A HELLCAT INSTEAD

I don't know. The next time I write about a POC or New Yorker whose utterly phony, affected bullshit accent is as big a part of their overall grotesque branding exercise as Paula Deen's is, we'll see.

I don't really see the appeal of this car over its less expensive sibling, the Golf R.

Sure, black's never out of style, whether you're going out for groceries or annexing the Sudeatenland. The first actual run of Beetles was in this blue-grey color — that'd be an interesting one, too.

Enthusiasts know that this was the last true Benz. Afterwards they lost their way.

I am pretty sure every Texan has read The Art of Driving Extremely Poorly in the Rain.

Patrick - you are from Texas. Is it any suprise that parents of HP kids don't want them exposed to litature that portrays thier tax base as uncaring? It would be a very uncomfortable dinner conversation...."daddy...why do you not pay your employees a living wage?"

Hmm, my hatred for Chelsea seems to be overwhelming my dislike of Frank Lampard.

I haven't seen this many people in line for Rice since the Great Leap Forward.

Yes, hilarious. Exactly the word I'd use.

Because I didn't have access to a track for the weekend I took the car to the closest place I could find where I wouldn't be immediately arrested for testing every one of the car's 556 horses and then end up having to write a report from jail.

Nah.

I'd have to start drinking Anheuser Busch before I quit it.

I see an A-B Super Bowl ad coming out of this:

Not surprised to see another watered-down, non-substantive Anheuser-Busch release.

You will immediately notice that A-B is not actually doing anything, or even threatening to do anything, or even hinting at the possibility of considering maybe doing anything.

One time I turned my radio on and let Rush Limbaugh complete two sentences.

Hmm. Perhaps it's because Jozy is a 6'1" striker while Landon Donovan is 5'8" and primarily a winger.

[action music]
[Wine cops yell racist Italian shit at a soccer game on TV]

Bro, do you even Cayman GTS?