We debated this one for a while trying to parse out Scherzer’s exact string of words, though some of them are pretty obvious. I think we’ve settled on “fucking bastard motherfucking bitch motherfucker” and now I can’t see it any other way.

This has got to really piss Brandon Phillips off.

3/5 Mustangs

don’t think that works for guys,

The article reads that the guys denied having any sexual interaction. The fact that they went that route, instead of saying it was consensual, when they filmed the damn thing, makes them guilty enough from a student/athlete perspective to.be booted. Even if they aren’t eventually found to be guilty criminally.

Incidentally, Margaritaville has a sign on each wall reading “No Shirt, No Shoes, the Ryan Brothers”.

Rex: [looks at one woman’s toes] “Are we in Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see.”

#COTD

“Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, don’t even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent. We’d just like to ask you to please make this happen.”

We’d never even live to see it. The combined heat of all the takes would boil the oceans and we’d all steam to death like terrestrial vertebrate shrimp.

The Warriors Are Math

Harder said than done for the anxiety wracked amongst us, but a good goal to work for. Another technique I’ve picked up over the years is to remind myself that people spend 99% of the time thinking of themselves and not thinking about a minor stupidity that an acquaintance said.

When life closes a door a man who owns an f-150 will jump through your window.

I just want my dumb FOX robots fighting each other or catching a pass or something.

Hold the fucking phone. Buttered Popcorn is supposed to be the good jellybean in one of these hellish pairs? Sometimes you just can’t win, can you?

Oh, God, I popped a random jelly bean in my mouth just the other day, and it was fucking buttered popcorn. I thought I was going to hurl right then and there as I frantically searched for jelly bean colors that seemed relatively benign that could cover the heinous, disgusting buttered popcorn bean. I eventually found…

Problem is the only way to tell is by eating them.

If you forced me to eat a bag of Buttered Popcorn Jelly Bellys or get hit by a truck...you’d really have me thinking.

This is correct.