Holy shit, the comment section on the ESPN article needs to be burnt down, bleached, salted, burnt again, and then shot into the sun.

I dunno, man. You SURE Jordan won’t be facing murder charges? If what this “someon” says is true, the owner of the Charlotte Hornets is now ALSO the owner of the New Orleans Pelicans, a mere week after actual Pelicans owner Tom Benson keeled over dead. Pret-ty suspicious, if my years observing Jessica Fletcher at work…

“Butter doesn’t spoil, geniuses, leave it out on the counter to roomtemperaturize.”

Yes. The real monsters aren’t the top-scrapers, it’s the barbarians who put out rock-hard frozen butter from the fridge on the dinner table to go with the fluffy light dinner rolls. Might as well apply the butter with the immersion blender, the carnage will be the same.

I really struggle not to deify Messi. For all my cynicism and all my eye-rolling about sports and celebrities and life in general... watching Messi play just brings me joy in a way no other entertainment or sport has since I was a kid watching Jordan play. I find myself staring doe-eyed like a ten year old with a…

This is how it always is. The youngins’ are always lazy fucks until they do something substantial, in which case they’re naive and clueless and should go back to their textings and vidya’ games.

How could they leave out my Terrap-

I’d like to formally apologize for having the topics Anne Frank + dating in front of me and failing to include this:

Articles like this make me miss living in the DMV area. All the drama in NoVa, the catholic league, and Maryland when it comes to high school basketball is addicting to me like crack was to Barry.

Okay, now he’s ready to run for president.

I have it on good authority that thousands of Muslims will be celebrating in New Jersey...

If you think that’s stupid, the Browns hate kneeling so much they refused to go into the victory formation all season.

Chris Berman can’t be racist. Some of his best friends are Tom Jackson.

I’m sitting in a chair and I think that sideline move broke my ankles. Damn.

Anytime that Falwell Senior’s vanity university can be beat I am in favor. (Protip NCAA: All the fake/no show classes at Liberty are in the science departments.)

I hope the Secret Service has tasked an agent to clandestinely keep accurate golf scorecards that eventually end up at the National Archives.

I think Goodell honestly just wants to know which of the two he should invest in.

If there is a worse end of game coaching fuck-up I have yet to see it. Just call a fucking time out and have your guy lob it to the other end of the court. Game over.

That drive was so far left it almost beaned HamNo.

+1 fudge factor to account for Coriolis effect.