I don't think even Shawn Kemp has that many progeny.

Two years in a tennis player's career is like 7 in Phil Niekro years.

@NBA: “Steph Curry has been suspended 5 games for violating NBA’s anti-doping policy.”

Jezebel Twitter Account and just follow Depp and Dr. Luke until someone notices.

Just tweet “Please forgive us for our recently-deleted tweet. It was made in error, and we regret it immensely.” People will lose their collective minds trying to scour the web for something that never existed.

Absurd trades would be fun. “The Angels have traded Mike Trout to the Yankees for six prospects.”

Not that I care about baseball, but if I hacked MLB’s Twitter I’d probably report Derek Jeter (or Mariano Rivera) both admitted longtime PED use, and have subsequently renounced their HOF status. Just to BREAK BRAINS.

When I was 11 I was at a week long hockey camp at the University of Maine. My best friend and I realized a couple days in that - cut off from TV (this was 1994) and playing hockey 10 hours a day - no one had any idea of what was going on in the world.

I’d announce that Tim Tebow has been signed by The Cleveland Browns.

“The Washington Redskins are on indefinite hiatus until they change the name of the team.”

I would retweet everything sent out by Donald Trump and by PFTCommenter.

Screenshots of the DMs (though the official NBA or NFL account's DMs are probably boring). Imagine the state of Draymond Green's DMs, though...

1) Make popcorn

I just posted the following tweet suggestions on the other thread:

“Our thoughts and prayers are with the entire Curry family and Golden State organization on this tragic day”

“We are proud to announve that we have reached a deal with Tom Brady over the underinflated footballs. Brady will serve a suspension for the first two preseason games and will slap Bill Belichick three times."

I wouldn’t tweet a thing, just start following depraved porn accounts, racist accounts, etc, and then let somebody else discover it.

Roger Goodell: [is constantly abused by fans of other 31 NFL teams]

That’s not Kimbo Slice, dumbass.