Deadspin, I want you on this story like CNN was on that fucking plane. Don’t let up. I cannot overemphasize how much joy this story is bringing me.

I’m sure that it’s just a big misunderstanding. Jesus probably just wanted access to some of the Astros’ proprietary religious player data and asked his duly designated representatives on Earth, the St. Louis Cardinals organization, to take care of getting it for Him. Jesus could never want the Cards to do anything…

So, that’s where his hairline starts...

I’ve said this before, but Sheryl is one of the good people.

I’m sorry, I know this is Gawker. But God bless her.

He does enjoy a grind, but I think it’s also than he gets tight, especially against Federer and Nadal, in big matches. (Lesser opponents still get blasted off court) Not entirely sure why, and I thought hiring Becker was supposed to help him on that front.

They say they might water it after this set — it’d be interesting to see if the live-betting oddsmakers make any adjustments based on that alone... I can’t imagine it’d make a much of a difference but Djoko seems to think it will. At the very least, mentally, since he’d have gotten his way after whining like a bitch…

Joker’s never been a frontrunner like Fed. He’d rather grind it out for five hours, which is why he may still lose this match, as Nadal only gets stronger as the match wears on.

This performance already looks a lot like the Wimbledon final last year, where he was all over Federer yet only somehow stumbled over the line in the fifth set.

Are you aware of how important to sports history Jenner is? They’re not covering him because he is part of the Kardashian Klan. Your comment about “manning up” makes no fucking sense and your tone is that of a petulant child. If you are over 15, you need to rethink how you want to live your life.

Woah she looks like just like Cindy Crawford. Or Janice Dickinson if Janice Dickinson wasn’t melting.

I don’t miss practices or games, but I sure do miss the locker room and the dugout.

So basically, this is the tamest trip to Thailand in history

Mom: “Honey, have you decided on college?”

Ancheff: “STEW!!!!” *slurping noises*

I don’t really understand all the excessive hate for Buzzfeed on here lately. It’s not like they offered $10k to buy untouched Vogue photos of Lena Dunham or as if they took cheap shots at Amy Pascal’s private online purchases. Don’t worry, Jez, no one is muscling in on you.

Did your Theatre have to evacuate before the end too?

Actually, the 2006 World Cup final went to extra time and then penalties.

When the weather in Houston is supposedly going to be fierce and hard to contain, but then nothing happens and everyone is disappointed, it would be the perfect time for Jadeveon Clowney to tweet.

SEE IT’S A JOKE ABOUT FEDERER’S BACKHANDS ALWAYS GOING INTO THE NET

By the end of freshmen year of college, I could barely stand the idea of eating another meal at the dining hall. But the school required us to get meal plans with 21 meals a week, and we all had to eat there during pledgeship, so there was no way that I was going somewhere else.