omg newborn babies are disgusting.

I think he secretly wanted to get arrested, otherwise he wouldn’t have been sitting like that.

Sorry dude, maybe if you didn’t want to get caught you should have kept your legs shut.

Go home, Alduin, you’re drunk.

Women wanted eight more minutes of foreplay and seven more minutes of intercourse

Meth: “I’ve gotten all my sisters on it”.

How to look like Kylie: Look at Kim’s Instagram/Twitter pictures from six months ago.

Also: world’s most simple lyrics. He’s practically “yeah yeah, my dick gets big, then I put it in her vagina. Yeah. She’s a girl. I have a dick. I have sex with my dick.” Lyrical master indeed.

So what you’re saying is, he won’t be strike-slipping your San Andreas Fault?

The thought of greek life being banned from universities actually makes me sexually aroused

I had a boyfriend who told me that he needed to be 51% of the relationship, especially when it came to making any important decisions involving the household and our future. Apparently this is stated somewhere in the Bible. Being Satan’s daughter, I rejected the idea.

The Duggar original house for 14+ was provided by the church next door for free. The church used it (for families in need) from their congregation. They let the Duggars live there FREE as a family in need.
Their vehicles were all donated to them through local area churches. All the Duggar clothing and a lot of their…

There you go.

Cady’s tweets remind me of the obnoxiously vague and fatalistic status updates that certain friends post of Facebook and then refuse to explain.

I read it as:

Re: the Cunts. For a while, my parents loved to tell the story of how my dad loved to tell me to ask any given waiter for a fork and spoon when I was a toddler. I couldn’t pronounce fork and spoon correctly, because I was like 2, and apparently I would politely request a “fuckin’ poon,” and my dad thought it was…

It used to freak me out when I’d be out for lunch (with straight male co-workers (they’re the only straight men I know)) and their heads would constantly be turning. You get the feeling they’re not listening so I started spinning together weird stories. Say I’d be complaining about our boss or fellow co-worker, I’d…

Before I scrolled down and saw her picture, I knew she was a black mother. This never happens to white moms.

Aw man, I was 32 when I got married (3 years ago). But my husband was only 27. So can I assume I am more likely to get divorced than he is?