First, I wouldn’t trust the owner of the car at all

I hate myself for liking White Claw. It is totally out of character for me yet it is so, so refreshing.

Last thing Magic needed was more aids working against him. 

according to Comscore, nobody. fun fact: more people [‘unique visitors’] read Timothy Burke over the months of March and April 2018 than read all of barstoolsports.com, according to Comscore. 

So what you are saying is they Don’t Speak?

Maybe I’m preaching to the wrong crowd I have no idea... But I am a 32 year old male dude who watches sports. Shouldn’t I be right smack in the middle of Barstool’s wheelhouse?

With any luck, he’ll soon forget which team he played for.

The Padres say it’s not that bad, but it feels bad.

The existence of a coach named Jeff Fish implies the existence of a coach in the NFL named Jeff Fishest.

My woke son Jarapahat, 3, is allergic to tacos. “Tacos are made by Monsanto,” he told me, “and you are complicit in the hyper-corporatization of the food industry.”

My dad’s been bitching about his pool for two decades now. All I know is when things go bad his solution is to throw more “shock” in it. I have no idea what “shock” is or what it does. Maybe the Rio folks should try that.

Justin Verlander can’t be bothered to play, as he’s used to getting hit in the face by large jugs on a nightly basis.

- Michael Scott

If he keeps that type of behavior up I bet the NBA will have no choice but to make him an owner.

Oh yeah, that’s some good Kinja right there. I’m gonna need another hit of that shit.

“That’s not how you play hide the cigar...”