it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

there’s a guy outside who says he needs to be in here

Please let this election end already. It just feels so weird rooting for Megyn Kelly for something.

I’m 29 and I can not tell you how many times I’ve daydreamed about going back and playing little league, not as a kid, but as an adult. I would fucking dominate and feel a power that I’ve never felt before. Imagine getting a 40mph floater right down the middle and taking it deep, rounding the bases while staring…

Crazy is also fun, though

Rancid put out roots radicals on a 7" in 94. The b side was I wanna riot.

“And I’ve seen 311 four times!”

He should retire once he hits 69 TDs. Go out on top, or bottom depending on his preference.

Well that display of intellectual athleticism just put him in the top 30% of his class at Arizona.

He’s the six million dollar bro. We made him bigger, stronger, faster, but we couldn’t get him to stop laughing at the number 69.

As a black man with a traditional African name (which I am proud of, btw!) ...

... I can attest to resenting the lack of keychains or novelty license plates at truck stops.

Do NOT speak to her in Borat voice.

I wish I had this feature for subtlety telling my wife that she doesn’t fit into that dress anymore.

Everybody talks about this.

I saw Portuguese Soccer Pundits at a local festival a few years ago. They were opening for Band of Horses.

Well folks, it finally happened. The NRA warned us all but I didn’t believe them. Last night as I was watching the debate there was a knock on my door. This startled me since I didn’t buzz anyone up. Maybe it was a neighbor who needed something? I ask who is it as I check the peephole and it was President Obama! At…

She clearly said “moo-lot-o’clock,” the time of day she, Eric and Donald Jr make barnyard sounds for an hour.

I’m imagining a bug where Joe Hart is stranded in Turin forever. Ends up retiring and opening a small fish & chips shop + barber.

Since you guys asked, here’s my Hockey Dogs roster.

Apocalypse Now.