That name’s too long. Let’s shorten it a little bit.

He’s still getting a D-1 scholarship moron, just not at Michigan.

Aubrey decommitted when they addressed the thank you note to Drake.

...I think you might want to see a podiatrist.

Horniest team? The Swiss, you idiot.

“I won an Emmy for playing a woman dying of leukemia on L.A. Law, starring Harry Hamlin and Susan Dey.”

But it was all the other women who took it on the chin.

Not so fast, Tom. She had a long career as Bill Clinton’s safety.

The No. 2 won the Money In The Bank ladder match. Therefore guaranteeing himself a shot against No. 1 whenever he wants. Pretty common knowledge, if you ask me.

“when Geduev lifted Burroughs into the air and was awarded points for a takedown.”

Thus the circle continues

I hope they’re keeping all of the Deadspin-related verticals. This guy may not be a fan of the Deadspin homepage anymore, but at least he can still come on the Concourse.

...just the tips.

We’re all accountable, BarfRocket.

LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

True. I've been trying to figure out how to get a longer stick since puberty.

Marchman, can you please make Drew write a Why Your Side Sucks 2016 for each of the teams in the EPL?

The “YNPA” hand movements were especially embarrassing.

When we’ve finally annihilated the traditional aspects of our culture so thoroughly that even dressage is publicly scorned, and when we elect Hillary Clinton and the Russians hack her e-mail again before their invasion, you and your ilk like Princess Patrick Red Ford will be glad to have someone around who can command…