If Patrick doesn’t take her up on that offer and/or Marchman doesn’t force him to, then journalism is over.

There’s a good one that didn’t make the cut where the reader used the phrase “Not only” seven times in a 400 word diatribe.

You, sir, have made a powerful enemy.

“Now you’re throwing a four-seam fastball correctly, but not quite fast enough to blow one by a capable hitter..”

“Why would there be confusion if he spoke English? Joining us in in studio to discuss is Emmitt Smith.”

You can always tell when swimmers beef. Just look for the bubbles.

Sorry, it’s where I went to school. I was going to go to USC but my grades were too good.

part of our deal with Redd’s Apple Ale is that we have to call him Redd®ford now

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I see my post from earlier today got immediate results. It must have been from its massive popularity from the rest of kinja.

If you think Griffin is good, you should see Bartolo Colón’s effort to just stand up.

“Joey Votto metaphorically hit a home run straight into my dick and my dick exploded.”

Do you mean to say that Joey Votto donged a dong, a dong that’s now gone?

Just buy a ticket to a Reds game if you want Votto to grab your nipple, Samer.

R.I.P., Samer’s dick.

Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”

This fan needs to remember what happened the last time a gorilla in Cincinnati didn’t respect its enclosure.

(gen-X scoff) More like Yasiel Ulater.

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

This one time this lady in front of me in the “12 Items or Fewer” lane (don’t even get me started on stores that say “12 Items or Less,” those fucking wretches) had way more than 12 things. And not like 15 or 16 where you could reasonably be like “Whoops, I didn’t realize how much I had...sorry!” She had more than…