Why are all the questions listed as “1.”

Don’t forget Denton!

and some of us in Amarillo.

This guy doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Dude calls someone a snowflake but gets really agitated about someone quietly kneeling during a song.

Chuck E Cheese- I haven’t been to one of these places in ages. The video game cabinets have been replaced by educational games, but the animatronic show goes on. Across the table two time Super Bowl MVP, Eli Manning squirts Elmers glue into his mouth. As we wait for our sausage pizza, Eli leans in and confides that…

Don’t stare too long or blood will shoot out of your nose

I stared at these 2 sentences for a long time.

I’d like to take a moment to combat the very hurtful message that all progressives preach love and togetherness. I consider myself to be very progressive (and am widely known as being intelligent) and I can tell you that I think love and togetherness are a pile of horseshit. I would describe my attitude toward…

Porn

I have an overwhelming urge to punch you in the penis.

http://deadspin.com/we-went-to-the-puppy-bowl-and-brought-back-pictures-of-1791806459

How does being hit by a car work in this scenario? Is everybody hit by a car?

*actually* POTUS45 lost San Antonio’s county by 14%, and lost 27 counties across the state including 4 of the 5 largest. #thisdoesntfitonamarchsign

there are a few more

I want him to be our President. Or at least Secretary of State.

What you drinking?