Who is “preying”? mid 20s is a grown ass adult.

Their history of doing this is not what I would have expected.

I feel so weird when the NFL does something right for a change.

“The rectum is an exit, not an entrance”

THEIR CATS' BEDROOMS

Whelp, looks like I'm just gonna have to continue never going to South Dakota again.

If you have any experience with this phenomenon—if someone used OKCupid to persuade you to vote Trump, even—please let us know in the comments.

I think maybe we’re a groundhog’s day situation. I’m going to grab a toaster and get in the tub to test out the theory.

my liver can’t take it anymore

“So, are you girls virgins? I can tell Julie is not because look at her exposed ankles. That’s the mark of a hussy. Put some clothes on Julie.”

Well, *that* escalated quickly.

Jesus, Carly. What are you willing to say? What are you willing to espouse? Do you have any soul left at all?

I thought an eagle punch was when you punch someone in the stomach right before he climaxes causing them to screech and flap their arms.

Do you ever think the mothers of people who wear pro life cowboy hats wish they would have gotten an abortion

That was exactly where my brain went, too. I don’t really know how to process the rest of this story, but I definitely know how I feel about that.

This is sad, but diet frosted lemonade? If you're going to be put to death...shouldn't you just be like, fuck it, I'll just have the calories?