RIP Cheese’s Vagina

I can’t imagine Fox News would ever change. Also, seeing that dude’s face caused my lady parts to shrivel up and die.

I am worried my fiance wouldn’t be able to pay the household bills....without my much higher income.

I can see this happening. My safeword is “Bill Pullman” and I keep saying “Bill Paxton”.

I have so many racoon stories from spending summers at the cottage as a kid... thankfully I have no raccon stories from living in the city.
That one breaking into an apartment and cleaning its paws in the cat’s water bowl... uuuggghhh horrible.

Baby raccoons are reeeallly cute though.

Once when I was drunk, a pack (murder?) of raccoons chased me across the campus of UC Santa Barbara until I hid behind a book depository and prayed to Artemis for deliverance.

the synth music is EVERYTHING TO ME

ive said it once and i will say it again

good god, imagine if my whole CV showed up very time I was mentioned. “Rslwn, pre-teen Piers Anthony fan and mediocre ESL teacher...”

If any woman had an earlier career outside of academia, it must be mentioned as it influences her current accomplishments — especially something that requires as little talent and commitment as being a ballerina.

This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever read. They’re right up there with Gomez and Morticia Addams and Nick and Nora Charles for Relationship Goals.

I think if Third Eye Blind combined with Eagle-Eye Cherry, they’d fix that third eye problem right up.

This. Now THIS is some intelligent, high-level trolling.

I love this show! It was so good.

re: Kumail

Oooh! Kumail Nanjiani must be a “Stranger Things” fan. Loving that show right now.

I got rid of my virginity on one. Woke up hungover ON A BLOCK OF ICE. The heater had failed. Wait........ I may still be a virgin.

When people go on social media to ask what something is, instead of just seeing what’s trending or opening a Google search, my world turns blood red for a few seconds.

I’m sitting here hungover, and this popped up in my FB feed. I’m looking at having to close my business that I’ve had for nearly 10 years and while I’ve blamed everyone else possible for why I have screwed it up, it’s me. And beer. And I know it. I too have left myself “drunk me” messages to “sober me” (in my notes on…

I had a habit as a young drunk woman where I would “take breaks” from drinking. They were normally a few days or a week, the longest was a month. No one ever questioned them, everyone around me understood the “I am taking a break to give me body a rest” reason. Some people also assumed I was taking a break because I…