Lori Loughlin famously played Aunt Becky on Full House.

You’re just going to have to stage an elaborate months-long come-to-mayonnaise awakening where you “accidentally” get a sandwich with mayo on it, sigh, say you’re too hungry to bother getting it remade, scrape some off, eat the sandwich, be like, “actually it’s not as bad as I thought”, bravely try some potato salad,…

Gay dude here. I was OBSESSED with this guy at the gym in college. Gorgeous, blonde, and drove around with a geriatric golden retriever in the back of his pickup truck. Legit snack. One day he saw me stretching (I begged my mother to let me take gymnastics and dance classes and wear lycra as a child—ahem—shoutout to…

You know, I’ve shared a lot of embarrassing and ridiculous stories on this website over the last decade, but I can’t share this one. It’s so bad, I’m taking it to my grave.

What didn’t I do to get the attention of my childhood crushes? There are so many cringy stories, but I think one of my favorites was when I convinced my group of friends in middle school to all take turns licking the same Blow Pop. I made sure to lick the Blow Pop right after my crush did so I could get his saliva in…

Good story, as to your question (which I’m sure you didn’t mean seriously)- it sort of depends on if you’re talking a sailing yacht or a motor boat. If motor boat- outboard (dinghy with a motor), cabin cruiser (to about 40 feet) and then a yacht from about 40 feet to hundreds of feet. Then you become a ship, if you…

I’m at the NBC studio store in New York. It’s maybe 1999? My favorite cousin was a HUGE Friends fan. I barely know Friends myself (I didn’t even own a TV at the time, because of being poor). So I went there to buy her some merch. I chose this giant Friends Central Perk latte mug. Seemed like a fun gift!

I’m leaving the…

I’ve told this story before, but in another context. Ten or so years ago, I was at the town market in Woodside, CA. Woodside sits mid-San Francisco peninsula and is home to some of the richest people in California. I grew up near there and often run into people I knew from grammar school, high school and college. Ahea…

Saying “Do you have any idea who I am?” to famous people just might be my new favorite power move.

I worked at Whole Foods when I was 19 and I once rang up Keith Urban for $80 worth of sushi at 7:30am. I thought it was weird.

Looking forward to everyone shitting on Kim because HOW DARE SHE do something to educate herself.

I would very seriously watch a reality show of Kim being a lawyer. There are so many legal dramas on tv, why not a reality show?

I kan’t wait for the premiere of Legally Kardashian on E!

But we currently inhabit the world where servers and other folks are not paid a decent wage, so...tip.

I admit it is a low low low bar these days but this was a hella refreshing ACTUAL apology. 

This kind of thing will continue as the planet rejects a destructive parasite called humans.

Was one of you the much-younger wife of the director?

I hear ya. Except in my case it wasn't so much being born as having the audacity to be an independent entity, with my own wants and needs.

I made my mom give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dying hamster. This was the second hamster to die in a short period of time. Hamster number 1 escaped and was very likely murdered by a cat, so we were already traumatized. I was sobbing and she had to so something, so she laid a piece of cloth over this probably…

I once helped The Rock finished a crossword puzzle in an airport lounge long ago. That man takes his crossword puzzles very seriously!