It’s going to be hard to determine which one of the 125 fans bragging on social media about throwing the punches is telling the truth.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Fuck the Cubs. Fuck Andre Dawson. Fuck Wrigley Field. Fuck The Ivy. Fuck Harry Carey. Fuck Moises Alou. Fuck Joe Maddon. Fuck Sketchers Shoes. Fuck The Curse of the Billy Goat. Fuck Eric Stoltz. And Most Importantly Fuck You.

Penis

Then it would’ve read “well, golly gee whillikers, guys, I just think that maybe the Cubs would’ve had a better shot if they’d been a little more humble, and by the way, A.I. was a great movie according to the Alien Terrible Opinion Leech that lives in my brain.”

He really wanged that ball. I mean he just cocked back and drilled it. That thing was hammered. Even a one-eyed monster could tell that junk was headed all the way to Johnsonville. The Mets are really giving the Cubs the shaft.

Draper that headline is fine work, sir. No joke here

This is why neither you nor Hoke are head coaches right now.

There have been a lot of posts floating around the message boards with plans to fake the punt, to just have the QB toss the ball as high as he can in the air, to have someone run around for 10 seconds, etc. They’re all dumb hindsight plans that only make and ounce of sense if you already assume your punter is going…

The games, and therefore the meticulously crafted brand, are televised. That’s it. It’s why guys get strict penalties for throwing a football in the stands but Greg Hardy gets paid $13 million after throwing a woman on a pile of guns. Or, more succinctly, why Ray Rice was suspended for two games until somebody saw…

I can see having a uniform policy for certain reasons...but are words on eye black *really* that much of a distraction on the field?

Also dumb but not scored as an error is Schwarber, after dropping the line drive, throwing to 3rd instead of 2nd. TBS was too busy showing us idiots at the bar instead of a replay of where the runners were, so we can’t know for sure (and Murphy only could have gone 3/4 the way to 2nd when it was hit, which is why he…

Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett agree: race was a factor in this accident.

A quick drive that goes nowhere and ends in disaster? That sounds like the Seahawks offense to me.

This comment alone makes me want to never watch any of these

Christ, could they get a worse photo of Frank Caliendo? He looks like an obese Little Rascal playing dress-up.

I loved listening to Collinsworth talk about how stupid the whole thing was. It was like he was personally offended that something so idiotic could ever have happened.

this violin I’m playing isn’t small enough, I’ll be back with a smaller one later.

Do you ever feel like everyone in the country is cheering for your team (and your city) to fail? Well, now you know why.

I have laced these citruses with acid mushrooms. Your bat will become your mother. The ball will become a 95mph disembodied tongue and we, the mighty Cubs, will ride surfboards made of light into the True Truth that lies at the center of the Universe. We will also miss the playoffs, but we won’t know it because we are…